who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months