Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I need moral support for this bender
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That accounts for only three of the penises
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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