I'm going to jail i love you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.