I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i've created a new STD.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high