Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
