Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.