Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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