For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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