i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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