I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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