Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He kissed a someone with a penis
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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