Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
