I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
