Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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