I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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