Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
