Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
