Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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