True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
