just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
