first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
