Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
