girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
