This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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