You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
