I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You can't special order awesome
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
