she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
