I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
