If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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