I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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