I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
