I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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