I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
