My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
