ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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