Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
