Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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