I accidentally had phone sex last night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize