she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
