My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
