does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
