Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
