My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
