I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
