problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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