I wish I could teleport
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
