I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
