I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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