I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
