Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
