the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
