you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
