1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
