the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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