Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
