New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
