Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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