Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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