Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
