He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
