Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
