fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He better not be in your backpack
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
