Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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