there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
