I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
