I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
