My brain says no but my pants say off.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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