get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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