you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
