when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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