I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
