cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
