she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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