If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
