Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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