Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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