We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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