My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
