he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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