i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
