I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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