I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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